I've tolerated just about enough and if I choose to still keep mum about whatever that is happening, I might just swallow retard pills, and be complete retard about it. Honey if my company/time/attention is only needed when your other half is not there to give you all the love in the world, then go kiss some goat's ass because you make a great jackass.

On another note, it's crazy how I'm trying my best to stop trying any further and how I can be imagining doing the many things I know I shouldn't do at the same time. I can't help it. Ok no, I can but I just don't want to. Whatever this is, I know I'm not ready to lose it, just not right now, just not yet. Perhaps I've allowed this to be a part of my everyday routine and hence, the thought of losing this routine, distrupts my emotions in a way. Maybe, this is an amendment. Maybe, just maybe, this isn't as special as it seems at this very moment of time. Maybe I am really better like this, wavering till I can waver no more. Maybe this feeling could just be a spur of the moment and that if I wait long enough, this moment would pass me by and everything will go back to wherever it was before.

Nuff said.