I've never felt so much animosity in me. I'm fanning the flames of hostility and aggression already. I wondered the reasons so much, as to how it boiled down to this. I've never liked the thought of despising something or even someone so much, I mean we only live once, why the negativity right?

I tried giving myself the benefit of the doubt, that I'm proned to whatever that has taken course. Now, it's not the case anymore.

The sight of you, and hearing others mention your name gave me such irritation. Look how much you've disgust me. And I'm not surprised if it stays the same way. I've taken every effort to change the light in how we both see things, but somehow it's to no avail. Sad to say, not a chance to compromise and accommodate. Being funny and playful is allright once in awhile, squabbling makes relations closer but taking away my respect; simply explained you didn't see the line drawn, at all.

At the end of the day, there are some things I just can't help but talk about. Some things I just don't want to hear, and some things I say because I can't be silent any longer. Some things are more than what I say, they're what I do. Some things I say coz there's no other choice, some things I keep to yourself. And not too often, but every now and then, some things simply speak for themselves. I deny that I'm tired, I deny that I'm scared, I deny how badly I want to succeed. But most importantly, I deny that I'm in denial.

Don't you agree? We only see what we want to see and believe what we want to believe, and it works. We lie to ourselves so much that after a while the lies start to seem like the truth. We deny so much that we can't recognize the truth right in front of our faces. No matter how hard you fight it, you fall. And it's scary as hell; except there's an upside to freefalling. It's the chance you give your family and friends to catch you.

Well, I don't need to deny any longer. I strongly believe I've seen the truth, and no one else can change that fact. It's ok to be selfish, to do things what other people think you might not. I'm not saying this for no apparent reason; though some of it unknown, I'm just following my heart. Life has never been easy; it's a crazy world out there, but I know I'll make it through. Even if it takes me to lose another. I've people calling me dumb and stupid, for not doing the things I should've done. Well, you can continue calling me that. But let me get this clear, no, it's not a white flag raised, it's just that I'd rather place my attention and concern somewhere else.

Sometimes, I do get tired living in this fast lane and I'd seek refuge in listening to music and having long talks over my favourite Starbucks. People break down sometimes or many times, but I don't want to be broken down so badly. You've ruined everything, even that little space I've kept for you in my car-crashed heart.



I know people, what an overwhelming emotional ground breaking entry! Syiok, I've never been this transparent when writing. Not to worry, the breakdown's over. I'm cursing and swearing with Shima, over the ATeam duty tomorrow. To report at 7am, KNN.